when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize