this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
