I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the day after is always just damage control
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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