I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
