He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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