If you die in college, do you die in real life?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
