DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
MIDGETS
????
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
