someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
