4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
