Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
