My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
