I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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