I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
