Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
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He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
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This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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