Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
