i permit you to call me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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