That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
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The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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