this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
