She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize