Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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