never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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