Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
