sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
vagina is talking i cant
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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