I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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