is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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