We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
