there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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