my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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