My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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