dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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