Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
