If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
