I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
