Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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