I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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