Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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