i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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