dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
