I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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