Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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