omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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