There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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