When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
