dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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