Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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