Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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