Can i not drive my cunt home
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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