I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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