I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
