I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
