so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
