Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
