i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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