It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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