I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
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The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"