Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
