He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
