he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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