so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
