I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
