After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
