My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
