He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
